My Guru—My God

 

Guru Nitya is my Guru—my God. I don’t have a definition of God, but if you ask me if I have met God, the answer is Yes.

 

I met Guru first when I was 10 years old in Bangalore Somanahalli Narayana Gurukula for the annual Guru Pooja in the late 1970s. My father was an ardent devotee of Nataraja Guru and was closely associated with the Gurukula in Bangalore where Nataraja Guru and Guru Nitya lived in the ‘50s—'60s.

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I grew up hearing about Narayana Guru and the miracles experienced by my great grandparents when Guru visited our ancestral home in Trichur. I was told that all the children born to my great grand mother passed away when they were very young. It was around the time when my grandfather’s brother was born that Narayana Guru visited our home and he named the child Mrityunjayan—one who wins over death—and he went on to live a full life. Soon after, my grandfather was born and also lived a long life.

 

From the time I can remember, we used to go to Somanahalli Gurukula for the Guru Pooja every year. After the homam, the talk by Nataraja Guru in Kannada (which my father recorded in his tape recorder) would be aired for the audience to listen. The audience was comprised of few visitors from the city and the villagers who were very fond of Nataraja Guru, and who would start weeping while listening to the voice of the Guru. This was a yearly routine and the simple life attracted me to the Gurukula.

 

One year (late ‘70s) there was a lot of excitement when it was known that Guru Nitya would be coming to Bangalore for the Guru Pooja. I have fond memories of the festive day well spent in the presence of Guru. I remember being very shy when Guru spoke with me. I treasure the photograph we took that day with Guru outside the mud hut in which he slept. While we were saying our good byes in the evening, Guru told my mother that he will be visiting our home for lunch the next day and that tradition of coming home for a meal when Guru was in town continued till Guru’s Samadhi. On some visits, Guru would stay with us and we felt blessed.

 

In the years that went by, my connection with Guru was through the letters he sent to my father, which he would read out to us and through a Malayalam magazine Kala Kaumudi which featured Guru’s articles. I remember crying when my mother read out “Basavappan enna Swarna Nanayam” and the poverty they had endured. Guru had mentioned about my father’s weekly visits to the Gurukula in that article. Even now when I think of Basavappan and Guru, I start crying. The impact of that article drew me to Guru. And around the same time I got to know from the magazine that Guru was turning 60 and I did not waste any time in buying a birthday card to send my wishes to Guru. Little did I know that Guru would reply to my letter thanking me for my wishes and encouraging me to write letters to him and start writing poetry. Our communication through letters started in 1984 when I was in grade 10 and the last letter I received was a few days after Guru’s Samadhi.

 

Guru used to invite us to Fernhill and when I was in college, my mother, brother and I along with a relative went to Fernhill Gurukula enroute to Trichur, Kerala, where we spent our summer holidays with my grandparents. However, after two days when we were planning to leave, Guru told my mother that they can proceed and he will drop me in my grandparents home after a couple of weeks as he had plans to travel to Kerala. I was ecstatic and spent two weeks of summer vacation with Guru which was liberating and total bliss. Lived every moment to the fullest in Joy. After that, every summer and winter vacation was spent with Guru in Fernhill and those were the best times of my life. It moulded me to who I am now. I met wonderful people there and made soulful connections, my Gurukula family, some who continue to guide me to this day.

 

During the stay there, I helped Guru in writing letters dictated in response to the piles of letters received from various parts of the world. I catalogued the library, cooked with Guru, learnt to play the veena with Guru, listened to instrumental music, read books aloud as per Guru’s request, went for long walks with Guru, painted and attended the morning and evening classes. Guru asked me to translate his work “Bhakti” into Kannada and I completed it and Guru released the same in 1988 for a Guru Pooja in Bangalore.

 

After marriage, I moved to UAE in 1989 and every other week I would receive a letter from Guru. I have treasured all the letters and even now, when I am upset or agitated, I read a letter and find answers to the issue.

 

Guru guided me throughout my first pregnancy which was not easy due to severe complications. He loved my sons dearly and was proud of every step in their childhood. He conducted their first “writing ceremony” during our annual vacations to India. On our trip in 1998 Guru told me that even if he is not present physically, he will remain in my heart and little did I know that it would be the last time I would meet Guru. I could never speak to Guru without crying and so all my communications in his presence were through my thoughts which he could hear.

 

I firmly believe in the miracles and have experienced many in the past 40 years of my journey with Guru. Guru was proud of my achievements which were possible only because of his blessings. The staunch belief in the grace, blessings and protection gives me the courage to move ahead in this journey. I feel truly blessed.

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AUM